Lovable Crew

With their team riding high on the cover of Sports Illustrated this week, some Brewers fan friends of mine were having an email discussion about their team, including mention of the last Brewer SI cover, in '87, and why they don't love these Brewers as much as they might. A Cubs fan with some affection for our northern rivals, I chimed in with this:

Nobody's hit on the real reason the Brewers aren't as likable as we'd hope. It's the disconnect, the great yawning divide, between these two SI covers, nearly 24 years apart. The same team, but not at all. Look at Rob Deer. Mullet. Knows how to wear a uniform and celebrate like a man. Look at Ryan Braun -- what do you think of when you look at that face, that hair, those eyes? He looks like one of those asshole Cubs fans at Wrigley. Or even better, one of those super prick Wall Street stockbrokers with the insanely hot wife, the hotter girlfriend and five cars in Connecticut. He's way too pretty. The guy is stinking beautiful, like Tom Brady. Most every male Brewer fan's girlfriend/wife likes Ryan Braun better than he does. THAT's a real problem -- and that's why Brewers fans can't love him. Could Packers fans love Tom Brady? OK, I guess, but it wouldn't be like the love we had for Brett. He was folksy, a hick, a risk taker, dangerous, a failure, a drinker -- he was us. Brady? He's way too perfect, from another world. And that's Braun. In his soul he's just not a Brewer. He's a Dodger, or a Yankee. He has a restaurant in fucking Lake Geneva! That's exhibit A right there. Brewers fans go up nort'. Who goes to Lake Geneva?! Chicago people. Cubs fans. What the F?! And yet...he's stayed with the Crew. He likes Milwaukee. Go figure.

Nyjer is that punk kid from the opposing team in Little League. The guy that played outfield and didn't even lead off and yet thought he was the shit, and would talk trash and then late in the game get a meaningless double that he thought proved he was god's gift to the game. If the teams got into a fight, you know that half of your team would go after him and his shit-eating smirk first. This is why I like him. Sometimes.

But how come y'all haven't mentioned the very likable Brewers: Axford? Are you kidding me? He was a bartender a few years ago, now he's a killer closer? He's busted out the Rollie 'stache, the fu-man and the Three Musketeers. Dude's a throwback who relishes every minute of it. Nothing says Brewer like this bad boy. Sign. Him. Up. Gallardo? What the fuck kind of team has a Mexican ace? Can you say Fernando Venezuela for early 80's Dodgers? It's beautiful -- and perfect for MKE's big Mexican community. Lucroy is a hard hat lunch pail Louisiana boy, and there's not much difference between the bayou and Brewer country. Craig Counsell turned 41 a couple days ago, motherfuckers. Two World Series rings. Hitting .172 but still brings it everyday. Casey McGehee -- doesn't really know how to spell his last name, he's closing in on 30 and still looks and feels 23. He still chews -- and it's a big pile in there. And what the hell is wrong with Prince Fielder? Roly poly teddy bear super slugger with a beard? Strikes out a bit but gives you about 40 HRs, 125 RBIs and .285 every year without doing much complaining and generally intimidating his opponents without trying. MVP candidate and all around cool cat. OK, he's a vegetarian, which is a knock against him in MKE, and his name is not Brewer-friendly, but we can only blame his idiot dad for that. Prince is the most likable Brewer, in my view, then Axford.